Merry Christmas! (Or is it still Happy Holidays?)

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2012

I’ll admit it. I was really on the fence about sending the kids to a Catholic school.  I grew up in a public school… and oh yeah, not Catholic… so it was a very strange transition for me to get used to.  But I gotta say, I think it was the right call for us. Peyton loves her school.  The people seem really nice. And the uniforms! My goodness, how great are uniforms!

But the best thing I’m finding at this time of year is to say “Merry Christmas” to parents and friends and not have to worry.  It’s permitted.  Heck, even welcomed to say it.

I shared my excitement for this fact with my husband just yesterday. “Isn’t it great to be able to say Merry Christmas and not Happy Holidays at school, honey?!”.

“Uh, sure”, said the born-and-raised-Catholic-guy-with-12-years-of-Catholic-school.

Well I was excited. I don’t have to be the a-hole who accidentally says Merry Christmas to someone who doesn’t celebrate it. Well, until the day I was exactly that a-hole. And that day came yesterday.

Heading to the local pharmacy, I greet the man at the drive-thru and go about my business.  He had a really great tie on.  It was shades of purple and he had on a matching dark purple shirt.  He really looked sharp and I thought to myself, “I need to tell this man that I like his tie.”  As if this will be the best gift he could possibly receive. But whatever. It was a great tie and he needed to know that it wasn’t lost on me.  So I proceed to tell him, “I really like your tie.”  (Said in a tone similar to when Ben tells me I’m pretty, so immediately after I said it, I felt dumb.)  But the guy flashed a huge smile and said, “Thank you!”.

I’m on a roll.  I just made the guy feel kinda good. Yay!  It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!!

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” I said, as I drove out of sight.

“I’m Jewish.” he replied.

And to all, a good night.

Sports Candy, Marc’s and the Difference Between Plastic and Glass

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2012

While watching an overly annoying children’s TV show, Lazy Town, with my son the other day, they hit on something brilliant. They called apples and other various fruits “sports candy”.  Ben is no stranger to fruit and is a sports fanatic, so marrying those two words was music to his ears.  I immediately had to go get him an apple so he could eat his sports candy.  This lead to a conversation about all of the other fruit… err… sports candy we could eat.  Strawberries, bananas, grapes, etc.

The apple was the last piece of fruit in the house, so the next stop was Marc’s.  (Retirement has made me frugal.) We made our way to the sports candy section and Ben started flipping over the strawberries.  He was grabbing at the packages and, well duh, spilled a package all over the floor.

So at this point, I find myself on hands and knees on the floor of the Marc’s produce section cleaning them up.  And strawberries roll.  Under things.  Like the display the strawberries sit on.  It was gross, but I’m a human with a strong conviction that if you make a mess, you clean it up.  Plus, I knew I was armed with Purell. Isn’t everyone like that?

Apparently, no.  The Marc’s man who I handed the package to (and apologized to about 5 times for ruining the strawberries) proceeded to thank me about 5 times for actually cleaning them up.  “Most people would have left the mess” is what he tells me.  Really?!

Maybe I take it too far.  Like the time I was in a dollar store, picked up a glass and I couldn’t quite tell if it was plastic or real glass.  What does one do in that situation?  Well, squeeze the GLASS until it shatters in their hand, of course.  (This incident led to 3 stitches in the webbing between my thumb and first finger. Such an idiot.)  At the time, I apolgized about a million times to the dollar store clerk and offered to pay for the glass. This was as she collected paper towels from aisle two to sop up the blood on the floor and all over my hand.

She handled it well… politely said there was no need for me to pay for the destroyed merchandise… and then suggested I hit up the nearest ER.  In hindsight, she was probably thinking, “Get the hell out of my store before the shock wears off and you sue us for faulty merchandise.”.

I would never do that. It was my stupidity. But maybe I’m among the minority of humans in this world.  I can only hope that is not the case.